family life

Sometimes, I wish I was surrounded by family all the time. To the point, where you see all your family and friends. I think I'd like that. I think if my life were like that, I wouldn't be going out as much as I do now. I'm always trying to get away. The moment I step foot into the house hold, it's like no one can do anything for themselves. Even something as simple as getting themselves a glass of water. But, it's not even about just having a big family. The mood of everyone around me here isn't so happy. Everyone is always NAGGING. It's annoying. I want a big, happy "family". That would be nice. Also, the age group in the family is completely different. Although, I may be able to 'get on their level', it's just not the same as having people closer to you, age wise.

Instead, I make my FRIENDS my family. Not just the acquaintances that you happen to call your "friends". I mean, the friends you actually keep in touch with even though you don't see them at school. The ones who talk to each other because you want to talk, because you want to see them, because they mean that much to you that you'd make time to fit them in your busy little schedule. Not just because you see them everyday at school, that's the most pathetic kind of friend. Once you're out of highschool, you no longer talk to them after that. Shows how much of a friend you two were. You know? I really appreciate my friends. They are my other family. I'll admit, I do love the family I have. It's just not the same as the others.

the last thing you want to hear

"I think he's bored of me."
"Why?"
"Because I don't have money."

My heart sunk when I heard that come out of her mouth.

realization

I've recently discovered that there are a few things in my life that I actually MIGHT
regret. I really don't regret a lot of the things I do. Most of the time, I know what
I am doing. Wrong or right. I'm never really in denial. I understand that some of the
things I do come with consequences, and I accept that.

Sometimes I just think about everything I've done, and wonder if I knew better, would
I do it anyway? I guess you could call me rebellious. I do what I want. Wrong or
right. Recently, I've been being good. I've been doing the right thing. It's amazing
how much we've all changed. The things we want, our goals, completely turned around.

This isn't my depression speaking, but I always think about how many people and lives
I have impacted. I'm not sure how many I've impacted, or if I've even impacted anyone's
life really. But, if I died, I wonder how the 'world' would react?

To be completely honest,

I don't know why I bother at all.

It's all so pointless.
All the hours.
All the wasted time.
Just a big waste.

I've come to realize,
I've got better things to do.

I just wish
I realized
this
sooner.

paizley, eddie, adham, & i

friends

18 years old

I love the Winter season!

I turned 18 on the 20th of December.
I had a family party. Got some money.

My friends are so fucking amazing.
I can't even begin to explain why.
I love my family so much.
I want some snickerdoodles.

I got a tattoo.
I pierced my nose.
I got an industrial piercing.

I've been out everyday with my friends,
doing absolutely nothing. I love it.

I hope I don't get caught up in fun,
that I forget to do a few school things.



Happy birthday Grandma!

update

I have a C in English. How? I don't fucking know. It's making me insane.

Thanksgiving wasn't as bad as I made it seem. I just had other plans.

I missed my friends, so much. I turn 18 in 19 days. December 20. Here I come!




Detention can do this to you.


I'm addicted to Starbucks.


Brave New World. Music.


Mirror pictures are REAL cool..